What Are You Still Doing Here?

At the moment, life sucks.  I am SO stuck in a rut it’s not funny.

I think I’m wiggin’ out here – ( I know I’m not crazy) because, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I cannot get My Love and her man outta my brain.  I don’t want them there.  I don’t want to know what they’re going together.  I don’t know why I keep thinking about it.  Is it because he is able to give her all the things I couldn’t, and it’s driving me nuts?  Is it because I never cut the ties, wanting to remain friends.  She told me that I should’ve told her to “f*#k off” and walked away.

The Shrink gave me a couple weeks off and it’s taking it’s toll.  That’s why I’m venting here.  I am trying to follow the program The SHrink set up for me, but this crud is getting in the way.

I don’t like how I’m feeling.  I’m frustrated.  Why is all this so challenging for me?  Why should she be the one who gets to move on, and I’m stuck here?  I don’t want to be here.  I just want to get outside myself and run.  It’s a part of me that doesn’t  want to deal with the pain and is tired of dealing with the pain.  I want to just make it go away.  I want to put it all behind me.  I wish I could.

It just isn’t fair that My Love can just put me out of her head without any regard for what’s she’s done to me.  She says she’s sorry, but do thoughts of me continue to pop into her head?  Does she see my face when she’s kissing or making love to him?

And that’s another thing.  It’s been seven, almost eight, months without sex.  That has made me tense at times.

This entry was posted in Feelings, Life, Loneliness, My Love, Pain, Ramblings, Sadness, Sex, The Shrink, Thoughts, Women. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to What Are You Still Doing Here?

  1. Marge says:

    can you go spend time with your kids?
    A friend?
    Someone to help you take your mind off of them?
    Go to the gym and work out the frustrations that way?
    Sorry I know this all sounds pretty lame to you, but I hope it gets better for you
    Keep venting if you need to.
    🙂

  2. auntysocial says:

    Hi again – not sure where my original comment or yours in response went, but not to worry.

    I only wanted to stop by and wish you all the best with tackling things head on. It’s never easy but then again, is anything? 🙂

    • megawfa79 says:

      Sorry, that was my fault. Yeah, it’s tough but I am my own worst enemy. I am doing better. Thank you for your concern, and thanks for checking in. Y’all come back.

    • megawfa79 says:

      where can I find you on WordPress? I’d like to see what you’ve written.

  3. auntysocial says:

    Hi again! I’m not stalking you by the way, it’s just your posts are automatically delivered via email and I wanted to respond to one thing in particular you’ve touched on, which was –

    “There is much I need to do before I am ready to begin another romance. I need to become more comfortable with myself. I need to continue to redefine my life and to live it. I need to understand that my life should centered around Me, not someone else”

    I agree 100% with this, only I think it is something that needs ongoing care and attention and not stop once love and happiness shows up. The changes we go through are constant and I think it is important to embrace each one and look forward to the next if we are ever to fully experience life.

    If you don’t feel comfortable with yourself or know who you are or what you want, nobody else will ever feel comfortable with you or know how to give you the things you want. Your life should ALWAYS be centred on you, no matter how happy and content you are.

    I’m flattered you’re interested in what I write about but trust me when I say I don’t “write”, I waffle!! 🙂

    • megawfa79 says:

      Good thoughts all, Aunty! Allow me to clarify one point. We are constantly updating, rebooting, renovating – whatever you want to call it – Of course we need to make this a priority whether or not we are involved in a relationship. I learned from my last relationship that I gave up things I enjoyed and was passionate about.
      My comfort level with myself goes hand-in-hand with the redefining of my life. It’s not a matter of being uncomfortable with who I am. Rather, it’s boosting my self-confidence and the idea I can accomplish anything.
      My life, at the moment isn’t all about me. I have two children, ages 20 and 16, from a previous marriage, and they need my support and guidance, despite not living at home. I need to develop those relationships while also working on myself. But after they reach legal age, WATCH OUT!
      Sorry to hear you don’t write. It’s nice to make contact with someone who can put more than three sentances together, let alone anyone who will respond to my writing. Glad to know you’re reading and enjoying my stuff.
      Come back soon!

  4. auntysocial says:

    I DO own a blog, only it’s not exactly thought provoking or life changing tackle by any stretch of the imagination!!

    Doesn’t it show my posts automatically? If not, I’m posting a link to one of them.

    http://auntysocial.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/so-this-is-awkward

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