I hear you, but I’m not listening

I will rarely use this forum for ranting on my ex-wife.  For the most part, we have agreed to be pleasant to each other.  I don’t expect her to come chatting to me about her social life, but I would like to be able to get beyond small talk.

When I was visiting with the kids on Sunday, I had to return to my apartment to pick up (unexpectantly) some ingredients for dinner.  When I returned, the ex- was sitting on the porch with my son.  I was taken aback to see her because, usually, she takes off before I get there.  But there she was.  Surprised, I said hello with a tone that said, “I didn’t expect to see you today”.  That’s when she started with the 3-word sentences.  It’s a guarantee that she’s angry with me. 

Quick, to the point, “you did something to piss me off, but I’m gonna let you guess what it is.”  I hate that passive-agressive crap!  It’s the reason why I spend all the time in therapy that I did.  I wanted to move forward and become a more effective communicator. 

 She, on the other hand, is still in therapy and still treats me the same as she did when she asked for the divorce.  And if I confront her about this behavior, she turns it all on me, as if I’m the bad guy.

Hey, she asked for the divorce.

But sometimes I get the feeling that she’s having regrets about her decision.  Too bad, honey.  I couldn’t be the man I am right now if it wasn’t for the divorce.  Yes, it’s been painful, but it’s been liberating.

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2 Responses to I hear you, but I’m not listening

  1. Mary says:

    Is your ex from MN? If not, send her a one way ticket here so she can be amongst her people. We are the passive aggressive capital of the USA. Lol, and my sister is our leader!

    We like to kick boxes and file drawers and it is up to everyone around you to figure out what the problem is. Sorry, but I left my karnac envelope at home.

    Women here like to say things like “no honey, you don’t have to get me anything for Christmas or my Birthday or anniversary” and then are angry when you don’t. Men are like that here too, even the ones who are just friends. They nod and smile to your face, no no nothing wrong, then you go read their blogs and they mince you, your children and your friends to pieces. Oh yes, passive hostility is a fine art form here in MN.

    Good luck, because searching for an answer from her may only feed the neurosis.. besides, she will probably say “oh, its nothing.” Which always means its something. Lol.

  2. Marge says:

    knowing what you know now, I would like to suggest you just smile at her and let her do whatever ranting and raving (or whatever it is she does when she is mad at you) and keep right on smiling and remember like you wrote here, you are divorced.
    (and it might make her crazy to think you are actually happy without her)
    She doesn’t control you or what you think, say or do.
    And if she has regrets about divorcing you, I would think that would just make you smile more because hey…..she choose this life and you didn’t want it, but had to accept it…..and like you wrote….it has been liberating.

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