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There is something to be said about not seeing your kids for a week.
Last night was my first night off from LL Bean in ten days. I knew this at the beginnning of this stretch, so I talked with My Son about getting together. I knew his sister would be working, so I asked him to set the night aside for just the two of us. He likes to hang out with his friends and his girlfriend, and sometimes he makes plans with them on days we are supposed to be together.
We kept it low key. We made a trip up to the Big Store — LL Bean’s flagship store, which is a 20 minute drive, to buy some gift cards with my discount. Hey, 33% goes a long way. On the way up, we had an amazing conversation about a wide range of topics. But it wasn’t so much what we were talking about, rather the fact that we were talking. I have noticed he is becoming more confident. He has discovered his talents in woodshop and photography. His academic performance is much improved. I am seeing him transforming into a fine young man right before my eyes, and it makes me extremely proud. I made sure to let him know.
Sometimes I wonder how he would be if I were still with his mother. I believe that he is much better off now. We both are better off. We both have learned things about ourselves that needed changing and we made those changes.
Weelllll…..you know you make me wanna ..SHOUT
That’s the song playing in the background. I like the original by the Isley Brothers, but the version from the “Animal House” soundtrack is very good. That song sounds so sanctified like a tent revival, but the subject matter is anything but holy. It’s not a song for the timid. It is straight-ahead rhythm and blues with driving groove.
I was intending to comment on the nature of rhythm and blues, but it was good to get it out. I told you that story to get to this one.
Yesterday, the temperature in southern Maine was in the 60’s. Today, it’s in the 50’s. The last time I checked a callendar, it’s DECEMBER. We are supposed to be in the low 40s, but I will enjoy this for as long as I can. At lunchtime, I read online that Texas is getting ready for snow.
SNOW in TEXAS?
It was warmer in Maine than in Texas yesterday. It’s all very screwy. Even my beloved Scotland is getting wierd weather. Their summers have been anything but cool. Over the last couple years, going back to 2003, the temperature routinely hits above 17-degrees C.
I’m sure it’s a sign of the end of the world. Until then, I’ll try to find a golf course that’s still open.
A good night is ahead. After four hours of taking orders for boots, flannel anything, and chamois shirts, I take home some pad Thai and relax before bed. The thing that really sucks about the next couple of weeks is I have to work on the days I spend with my kids. I spoke with My Son yesterday and we’ll try to squeeze in a couple of days between now and my birthday.
December 19. Mark it on your calendar.
The next couple of weeks will be hell on wheels.
I have my regular job at the Big City Hospital warehouse, but I also work for LL Bean taking phone orders for the holiday season. I love the work, love the customers, and I especially love the extra income. After Thanksgiving, however, it gets very busy.
Now, I’m preparing for working my second job 9 out of the next 11 days. It’s bad enough that I have to rise at oh-dark-hundred for my regular job. For the next couple weeks, I’ll be going from one job to another. The bad part is some of my hours scheduled until midnight. I do have the option to request to be sent home early, but I’m not sure if they’ll let me. I know that the phones will be off the wall and the calls non-stop. I’ll keep reminding myself that the money I’ll earn will make the kids’ Christmas a little more jolly. I’m stocking up on orange juice, multi-vitamins and Hot Pockets. Let’s see how my energy holds out over the next two weeks.
I’ve been thinking about what I should give My Kids for Chrstmas. I believe that gifts are given with love and the cost isn’t important. My kids are at an age where the present get more expensive, and they all want what their friends have. My Daughter is the most difficult to buy for. She repeats her requests every year: gift cards. I understand that she can go shopping after Christmas and get more bang for the buck. But I’m old-fashioned and a gift card sounds so impersonal. I like them to have something to open on Christmas. This year, she’s talking about a game system like PS3 or XBox.
I love that she takes after me: big, expensive gifts that stand a snowball’s chance in hell. When I was in my teens, I used to put together the most elaborate Christmas lists. I would’ve written for the Sears & Roebuck catalog, my lists were that detailed. Color, size, estimated price, best place to buy…I gave my folks more detailed information than they needed. As I got older, my requests moved from record albums and clothes, to Red Sox tickets and a Sony Walkman. I got neither. I still make out detailed lists. I guess I did it so I wouldn’t be disappointed on Christmas morning. I hoped that my family would pay attention and pull gifts off my list. They did, for the most part, excpet for my Aunt Dorcus. She always bought me socks.
She bought socks for all the men in the family. Very predictable.
As for My Son, he is just as hard to buy for as his sister. This year, since he’s taking a photography class as an arts elective, he wants a $600 Nikon camera. Do you think he’d be bummed if he got a point-and-shoot instead? I like to put sports cards in his stocking, along with the Pex dispenser, cashews, toenail clippers and deck of cards.
Don’t worry, he’ll get other good stuff. Didn’t you get one or two items in your stocking that repeated from year to year? For me, it was toenail clippers, deordorant, Andes mints and cashews.
I won’t have much time to devote to writing over the next couple of weeks. I’ll try to squeeze in some short posts here and there. Maybe I’ll post my Christmas list. Honestly, there’s not much I want for Christmas. I will likely receive a magazine subscription from my folks, along with small gifts and a stocking. I would hope the kids buy me either golf balls or gift card to the local music store. Maybe hockey tickets for a game all three of us can enjoy together.
The chances of getting what I really want for Christmas are slim. Less than that. More like impossible. I found this same gift under my tree two Christmases ago. It was the best gift I’ve ever received.
It was the gift of love, of someone’s heart given because they had trusted the Cosmos, had faith and didn’t run from it. It was the right gift for that time.
As I’ve said, the chances I’ll find that are slim. If it were from the same giver, that would be divine. It’s doubtful, though.
But, one never knows. Finding that under the tree WOULD BE a Christmas miracle.
I checked my L.L. Bean schedule for the next couple of weeks. I am working six days straight, one day off, then four days. OUCH! What makes it painful is that my out time is MIDNIGHT, and I have to be at work at 5:30am, or “oh-dark-hundred”, for eight hours. I did the math and discovered I could make beaucoup bucks but I would be seriously compromising my sleep. The last thing I need is to do the Walking Zombie through the next three weeks. I could have some fun for Christmas with that money. I’m thinking about buying a Wii for the kids’ Christmas gift, and that money would go a long way towards that.
I’m not sure how I am spending the Thanksgiving holiday. I do know how my day will start: up at 3:30am at the warehouse. The folks at The Big City Hospital want all their supplies early so they can leave before noon. That means my little band of church mice have to get up even EARLIER to process orders. I should be home before 11am. I’m not sure what I’ll do for dinner. My kids are with their mother, and they’ll be spending Thanksgiving with her sister’s family. Maybe, if it’s not raining, I’ll make a turkey sandwich and head to the beach.
Today, however, I will be cooking my famous Trash Can Turkey. The Ex- asked me if I would cook it for her. I’ve done this several times and it’s a fun way to cook a turkey. It’s amazing what can be done with a clean, unused aluminum trash can, a large bag of charcoal, heavy-duty foil and a wooden garden stake. The cook time is under two hours and the bird is fall-off-the-bone moist. YUM! The Ex- is springing for all the supplies. All I need to do is cook it and take home some meat at the end.
If I’m not able to write in the next couple of days, don’t worry. In the interum, I want to wish you all….
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
I am truly blessed to have this outlet to write and work out the bugs in my life. I am thankful for the people who take the time to pay a visit now and then. Although I don’t write for you, I am glad you are a part of this. I am also thankful for the people closest to my heart. These people have helped me in immeasurable ways, and I am thankful beyond words for them. You know who you are.
I am feeling MUCH better today. I could’ve slept a few hours more than I did, but there’s this thing called work. You have to do it to earn money. You then take that money and buy things and pay bills, not necessarily in that order. Therefore, the time change tonight is a welcome thing. We all dread spring and the time change forward. Yeah, I love the sunshine but I could really use that hour of sleep.
My Daughter and I never made it to the hockey game and we didn’t get to carve pumpkins. She got a call from her work. Three guys called out and there was a huge restock coming in, and would she come in to work. She really wanted to spend time with me, so she worked out a compromise. We had enough time to put a stirfry together and just hang out in the kitchen. As for the hockey tickets, I gave them to My Son and his girlfriend.
I have finished CS training for L.L. Bean and will start shift work tonight. I’ll have enough time to rush home from the warehouse, change and clean up, and off to work. This is how it will be for the next 8-10 weeks. Good thing it’s fun work or I would dread it.
Exciting, huh?
whaddayah want for nothing? Rrrrrrrrrrrubber biscuits?
Bow bow, oooooh ooh.
I want to take care of some housekeeping today. There’s stuff I want to write about but really don’t want to go into great detail.
Except one.
My Love has been reading my blog.
No, really. This time she has been reading it.
When I opened my mailbox this morning, there was an email from her. That surprise packed a wallop. I sat there and stared at the screen for a while. I wasn’t sure if I should open the email. When you don’t expect it, the emotional impact seems to be much greater.
What I discovered was a gentle note. She has been having difficulty sleeping lately. Last night, it was another tough night for her, so she decided to take the plunge and read my blog. What kept her from reading it before now was fear. My Love was afraid that I would rip her to shreds, that the pain and anguish she caused would be spilled all over the page and she would be to blame.
What she found was reflections tinged with sorrow and sadness. It was a surprise for her, though, to find me treating her with tenderness and respect in these pages. It’s the only way I know. I hope it sent her a clear message that I still love and respect her, no matter what happens between us. She changed my life for the better, and I could never repay that kindness. My Love still wants to communicate, but I believe my heart needs more time to heal. I want her to return and read more of what I’ve written. I want her to understand that I am doing the best I can with what I have. We were given a wonderful gift: a love that most people dream of but never find.
Moving forward……
I have a date tonight.
I am taking My Daughter to a hockey game tonight. Before that, we will carve jack o’ lanterns and make homemade chicken fingers for dinner. My Son has plans with friends, otherwise he’d be joining us. We all love hockey. The kids, their mother and I would go watch our AHL franchise several times a year. One year for Christmas, we gave ourselves a half season ticket package. That season we logged in 25 games. It was great. Tonight, however, it will be a Daddy-Daughter Night.
I started my seasonal job this week. For the past five years, I have worked the phones for L.L. Bean during the Christmas season. I use the money for Christmas presents. I also get DEEP DISCOUNTS at the employee store. It’s a lot of fun. I get to step outside my box a little and talk to people from all over. The folks from the South are very friendly and love to chat. I also get to (internally) chuckle at some of the folks who drop a thousand dollars in an order. They have a certain air about them. It’s part confidence, part insolence, part entitlement. I have no problem with people who’ve been able to make their money work for them. There are some folks who seems to think that their crap doesn’t stink, and those are the folks that need to be taken down a peg. But, as a customer service rep for a company that prides itself on world-class customer service, I have to bite my tongue and smile.
I should be quite busy for the next 8 weeks. They usually dismiss their seasonal employees before Christmas. I’ve wanted to stay as long as possible to make some extra to stash away. This year, however, I think I’ll request to be let go just before Christmas. I’ll have to work my regular job on both Christmas and New Years Day, so I’d like some time to make merry.
Everyone enjoy your weekend. Enjoy the ghosts and goblins on Saturday. Find a costume and let yourself go. Don’t just hide behind a mask. Get out of your skin and try on another.
It is the end of the workday, but not the end of my week. I would love to be able to sleep in tomorrow, maybe fix a breakfast of pancakes and bacon, and go wherever thewind will take me.
But, sadly, so. I’ll be up way-too-early when the majority of the world is enjoying a relaxing start to the weekend.
This will be one of those posts that has something for everyone. Maybe not everyone. How about 4 out of five dentists? Choosy mothers? The Pepsi generation?
Alright, enough.
Tonight is the last home game for the Red Riots football team. So far, they are 4-2 with tonight’s game vs. Gorham, then The Battle of the Bridge. I found out yesterday that My Son sustained a concussion during practice. He failed the computer tests that are conducted with potential cranial injury but was told he could be back for the last game of the regular season. I understand that football is not a gentile sport, that injuries happen. But how does a kid sustain multiple blows to the head..IN PRACTICE. I understand he’s disappointed he may not be able to play for awhile.
My Daughter and I had a great dinner last night. Since we have a similar sense of humor, we can get silly and that’s how it was last night. The spaghetti stayed on the plates and there are no stains in the rug or on the couch cushions. I cherish times like this when I can be Dad instead of her Father.
A good friend tipped me off to an interesting concept. It’s called Meet Up (www.meetup.com ) and there are all kinds of groups where people can socialize. If you are into cooking, coffee, wine, adventure activities or just want to meet people, there are groups for all that and more. I found a writers group that I wanted to join. But I was detained while picking up My Son from his team dinner last night, so I missed the beginning. Actually, I missed the whole thing. I went to the address provided on the website, but when I rang the doorbell, no one responded. Bummer. I’ll have to arrive earlier next week.
One of the things I will need to change, whenever I start dating again, will be to forget what I knew with My Love. I have to re-learn how to date. Not so much the flowers/dinner or a movie/kiss at the door stuff. Instead I need to change how I think about the structure of the relationship. I will want to date someone who isn’t balancing another relationship against ours, but I want to be able to focus on the present. I want to take it step-by-step, savouring getting to know her. I want to be secure with myself and my life so I’m not so quick for exclusivity. I don’t want to define myself by the relationship. I am a LONG way off from dating again, despite desiring the intimacy of a relationship.
I am loving internet radio. I’ve logged into Free Form BCN several times this week while at work. I love the idea of not know what song you’ll hear next. Having worked in radio, I know what good radio sounds like and I haven’t heard it for awhile. It’s where the DJ’s had personality; they identified with their audience, could program their shows and select the music. It’s easy now to tune up and down the dial and hear the same presentation, just different music. They tell you the same thing no matter the format. Every station is ”playing a better mix of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s”, “more variety, less talk”…..you get the idea. Now that I’ve discovered internet radio and can pinpoint music that matters to me, the only use for the radio will be news/weather and the ballgame. That’s actually kinda sad.
I will not be dressing up for Halloween. I’ve never been big on the holiday. maybe it was the pressure of finding an original costume. My best costume was a Christoper Columbus outfit, complete with crushed velvet cap and ragmop hair. My mother made it from scratch. You don’t get much of that anymore. As I grew older, it was just a day when you got lots of free candy. A few years I had to “Trick or Treat for UNICEF”. Usually we got the boxes in our Sunday school classes and were expected to return them on the Sunday following Halloween. That activity reminds me of the scene in Woody Allen’s “Radio Days”, an autobiographical film about growing up during World War II. The scene takes place during Hebrew school class. These Jewish boys are sent out by their rabbi, to collect funds to promote a Jewish home in Palestine. Being kids, they end up taking some of the money and spending a portion on candy, ice cream or Secret Avenger Decoder Rings. The young Woody gets hauled up in front of the rabbi by his parents. Do you remember collecting for UNICEF? How many of you skimmed a little off the top? Did some of it end up in the till of the neighborhoodstore? Do I see a few hands rising hesitantly? C’mon, ‘fess up. But don’t worry because it’s ancient history, you won’t be held accountable.
It’s too damn cold for this time of year. Where’s Indian Summer? Where are the temperatures in the mid-50’s?
Enjoy your weekend no matter where you are. Hopefully, there will be lots of color, interesting people, and stuff to make you go “hmmmmm”.
My Son is a football stud.
I found this out this morning from My Ex-. She had called me at work, asking me if I would drop off some donated items for tonight’s big dance at the high school. I said no problem.
But then she told me that My Son got into last night’s Red Riot football game at Noble. I knew that would be a possibility. Noble hasn’t won a game all year and the Red Riots are coming off the biggest win of the school’s history. The second squad and JV’s would see some playing time. But I wasn’t keen to the idea of driving an hour each way and getting back late.
Oh, just keep quiet…he has the JV game on Monday afternoon. I’m going to that game.
But after hearing the news from My Son, I should’ve gone to last night’s game. He got to play in the second half after the Red Riots ran up a 34-0 lead in the first half. Not only did he get to play, he made the play to seal the win. Noble was on the move and, with a minute left in the game, they were on the verge of scoring. On the final play of the game, Noble ran the ball up the middle. And My Son was right there to shut down the run.
All at once I was so proud and regretful. My Son is not a star player. He plays defense, platooning with other players. He’s strong. He can pick up his 220-pound father and put him on his shoulder. As a player, he’s not a go-to guy. He’s just a solid, team player. So when he told me about the tackle, I was jubilant. My face shown with an ear-to-ear grin. If I had seen the play in person I would’ve gone nuts. But I didn’t and I wished I had. Maybe I can on the Public Access cable channel. I’ll have to check my local listings.
Wanderlust is a wonderful thing. It usually creeps up on me every 3-4 weeks, giving me another opportunity to dream. It’s another possibility presented to me by Life. I can tell when wanderlust is coming on. I begin to think about places I’ve been or where I want to go. It used to be I would get it to avoid a painful situation. Now I use it for motivation.
I got the travel bug bad during my senior year in high school. Before then, I had been to Boston and New York City with school or church groups, and it was enough to give me a taste of what was outside my world. I grew up in small towns and cities in New England. There were people areund me who had never been more than 50 miles away from home.
Despite what John Mellencamp says, there is more to offer outside a small town. However, it’s easy to appreciate what a small town offers, but you have to leave it before you understand. If never given an opportunity to see what the world has to offer, one could be satisfied to remain where they are.
During my senior year, I participated in an exchange with an all-girl German gymnasium (high school) for one month. In the span of one month, I was exposed to a new language, customs, attitudes, opinions about my own country, and had an opportunity to visit The Netherlands. Granted, it was from a Northern European perspective but I never would have known it if it wasn’t for that exchange. It gave me the sense that there were more opportunities waiting for me. At one time I had a dream to backpack around Europe. I almost put that into play when I flunked out of college.
The first time.
Since then, I have visited: Paris, London (twice), rode a National Express coach from London to Dundee, St. Andrews (twice, once to play golf with my friend Adam, the other to attend the 2005 Open Championship), Germany, Las Vegas (I went with My Love to celebrate her 50th birthday), Miami, Aruba, Dallas, Washington DC and Phoenix (jumping off point to the Grand Canyon).
The wanderlust I’m experiencing at the moment has alot to do with wanting to move my life in a different direction. I have been taking small steps towards that and I’m exploring ways to do that. I started with my weekly movie blitzes at the library. I then moved towards taking my relationship with my children to the next level. I am happy to say that I am communicating with them much more openly, and they are doing the same with me. I am volunteering with the football boosters of my son’s team. I have been helping out with bingo.
The next challenge is to continue to do all this and not do things alone. I am resolved that this process is slow moving. I am not actively looking to date anyone. I am not holding out for My Love, though. I know she reads these posts and that’s much safer for us both. It eliminates the emotional piece. She reads about my stuff without having to contact me. I can let her know how my life is progressing. I can also let her know that I miss her without getting verklempt.
I am not so sure I want to date for different reasons. Actually, I am not ready to date. As much as I want the gentle touch of someone’s hand, a passionate kiss and to share my bed with a woman I deeply care for, I don’t want it be be for all the wrong reasons. I am not ready to fall in love again. I want to be with a woman to satisfy my own urges and desires, and that is a temporary experience. I am not ready to open my heart and be vulnerable. The pain in my life is still fresh and to throw romance into the mix would only turn out badly. If I am going to give my heart to someone, I need to prepare myself.
What I want is a f@#k buddy. But I couln’t handle that either because I find it difficult to separate love and sex when I’m not in a caring relationship. I’m just not cut out for sex for sex sake. There has to be an emotional bond.
Here we are, gentle reader. All dressed up and no place to go.
Actually, I have somewhere to go tonight. It’s the home opener for the football team and my son is playing. I am so happy he’s playing football again. He enjoys the game . My son is just dressing for the game. The JV game is on Monday afternoons. It’s a great way to spend a day off. But I’ll go to the game tonight to have something to do.
Maybe I’ll win the 50-50.
The humidity has returned. It’s the kind that resembles a grey haze. It’s the kind that you could reach out, grab a handful and wring out a gallon of fluid. It’s the kind that’s gets worse after it rains.
Along with the heat, this is what is most dislike about summer.
I don’t like hate. Hate is a strong word. It’s the word Red Sox fans use when talking about the Yankees. That word should be used frequently this weekend, because the Red Sox host New York at Fenway.
I would prefer “strongly dislike”.
Today is the perfect day to hang out and write. I could’ve walked out the door at 3, but I recided to remain at The Big City Hospital, steal a little internet, and write to my hearts content. The reason why it’s perfect is because I don’t want to walk home in this humidity. By the time I reach my apartment, I will feel like a walking dish rag, my shirt soaked with sweat and hanging limp on my body. Instead, I’ll write and wait for the shuttle bus, complete with air conditioning, and ride home in comfort. The driver looks out for me. If the traffic is too slow on his regular route, he’ll drive down my street and leave me off in front of my building.
Now, that’s service.
Another reason I strongly dislike the humidity is because it saps your energy. Walking, standing, sitting, doing anything would make you listless and drowsy. Forget getting a good night sleep. You can’t get comfortable unless you have air conditioning, which I don’t.
Enough of this brouhaha…..
That word, brouhaha, isn’t really a word but it has a great sound. It also reminds me of Nick Danger, Third Eye, that wonderful piece of parody from Firesign Theater. It’s a style of comedy that’s an acquired taste. Firesgn Theater spoofed popular culture and it really can’t be described. You have to experience it. It’s like watching TV without a picture. The scenes change when you hear the clicker, sort of a simulated changing of channels. You need to use your imagination to create the images.
For those of you hopelessly stranded in the digital age, you would use a rotary dial to change stations. There were no remotes, no 158 channels.
Nick Danger is a spoof on all those film noir private eyes. The language is right out of the earlier 40’s. Think: “The Maltese Falcon” or “Casablanca”. Mix in Raymond Chandler and you get a tough but funny flatfoot.
But words like brouhaha are fun to hear and say.
Tonight’s agenda will include a large bowl of buttered popcorn and A Movie To Be Named Later. Not sure if I want to sample something from the archives or to schlep across the bridge and find some new movies from the library. I love the library. You can take out as many movies as you’d like, and you can keep them for a week. I can even find TV shows in boxed sets. That could keep me busy for awhile.
Last night, My Son came over for dinner. I had taken “Superbad” out, just to try to understand his generations tastes in movies. This was like a long-running fart joke. Maybe I’m too old, but the jokes were stupid, the writing was horrible and it could have been 35 minutes shorter. At one point, I looked over at my son and asked, “is this how you and your friends talk when you’re not around adults?” He looked at me, smiled a sheepish grin and nodded. I can swear with the best of them (VERY rarely), but this was a continuous F-bomb. I liked most of the characters and found them sympathetic. The two policemen (Bill Hader and Seth Rogen) weren’t funny. It was like watching bad SNL skits.
Oh, I just looked at what I’ve written and I sound like my father. That’s scary.
I hope you have a good night. If you’ve had a tough week, lay low and give yourself a break. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
See ya in the funny papers!
