No Cute Or Catchy Title This Time

November 4.  Four days after Halloween.

I am assuming that most of you have come out of your sugar coma by now.  SInce I never bought Halloween candy in the first place, I’m happy to report that my eyes are clear and bright and I have energy to burn.  I was not found sitting on my couch and covered with wrappers. 

I have a love/hate relationship with chocolate.  My Love turned me on to dark chocolate.  Her claim that it was an aphrodisiac was spot on.  Well before that, there was Nutella.  For the uninitiated, Nutella is a milk chocolate/hazelnut spread with the consistancy of peanut butter.  It is smooth, thick, and sinfully good.   I discovered Nutella when I was on a high school exchange trip to Germany.  My first breakfast with my host family included Nutella.  What a great way to start the day!   Sometimes I’ll heat it up and pour it over vanilla ice cream, or I’ll make peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches.   My mother will buy Nutella in HUGE jars.  My Daughter is a Nutella junkie.  She’ll hoard a jar in her room so her brother won’t swipe it.

But despite loving the taste of good chocolate, I have a tendancy to overindulge if there is chocolate in the house, and the result is not a pretty sight.  I have a history of abusing food.  Whenever I’m having a tough time emotionally, I binge eat when I’m alone.  I haven’t weighed myself lately but I can tell I’ve packed on a few pounds.  That ship has been righted and we’ll be working to slim down.  The fact that I recognize this is helpful.  I recognize that I should be taking better care of myself.  But my emotions are taking over when I should be in control.  Lately, I have lost the desire to cook and have turned back to Mickey D’s and take-out Chinese.  I need to remind myself that I need to think about what I eat.  My weight goes up when I eat like this, and I recognize why I eat that way.

I have discoverd this fact:  there is no timetable for mending a broken heart.  I know that the majority of the time I do alright.  I am in the moment and enjoying life.  But there are times, such as when I discovered that My Love was reading my blog for real, when my heart goes into a tailspin, causing it to try to figure out which end is up.  I catch myself daydreaming and figuring out what she’s doing, what her impressions of my writing are, and just getting lost in thought.  That is the tendency that needs to be changed.  It’s as if my heart has left a light on for My Love, waiting for her to come back.

SHE”S NOT COMING BACK, FOOL!  GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!!  SHE”S GONE AND YOU’RE HISTORY!!  GET OVER IT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!  SHE DOESN”T WANT YOU ANYMORE!

Sounds harsh, doesn’t it.  It needed to be said.

I am now waiting for the translation for my heart.  I suspect my heart speaks another language.