Forward into the past

I had this feeling of liberation come over me yesterday.

In my work, I have a lot of time to be alone, which means my mind wanders.  It used to be I would dwell on the little stuff,  stuff that was out of my control.  That would drive me crazy.  But I knew that, eventually, I would reach a point where it would all came together.  The cosmic tumblers would all fall into place and everything would “click”.   Yesterday, it happened

While hiding (errrrrr…working) in an air-conditoned supply room, I had a “a-ha” moment.

I love these moments.  It’s like a cosmic dope slap, jarring your brain and revealing some bit of knowledge that helps you put all the pieces together.

Without the whiplash.

For the last couple of months, I have been “grieving” the end of my last relationship.  I’ve reflected on the woman, and pieces of the relationship that were good and not-so-good.  What I discovered was that, despite being a “rebound”, she was also the bearer of knowledge, the stuff that would help me get over the divorce and move forward in my life.  What she also provided were the tools to guide me if our relationship ended.

I knew she couldn’t see me in her future, that she ended the relationship so that I could find someone who could love me the way I deserved to be loved.  But I heard the words, but didn’t fully understand the meaning.

I finally got it while holding onto a handful of catheters.

Light on…Oh, yeah…now I get it!!

She has moved into the realm of pleasant memory.  Don’t worry about the past, it’s already happened.  Just think about today and live in the present.

Everything else takes care of itself.