I hope you all had a good 4th of July. I had the pleasure of spending it with my son, watching the firework along the Back Cove. We had a great view, but were too far away to get the full effect of the “boom”. The next day, the kids were with the ex’s family, so I had the day to myself. It wasn’t what I was expected and it wasn’t what I hoped for. Since my breakup with the woman I was seeing for the past 20 months, it been a challenge spending time alone. I don’t mind being by myself. I take myself to the movies every Tuesday. But, being alone in my apartment is sometimes a lonely experience. My mother, who is wiser than my Dad gives her credit, told me that men want to be with someone. I guess it’s the residual of our prehistoric ancestors, who traveled in clans and lived communally. Since I’m not a woman and can’t relate their experiences, I can only say that for myself, I like having another person in my life. It doesn’t have to be someone who shares living space. It could a cat. I know that it’s challenging for myself being the only being in my apartment. As I continue my journey, it will be something I shall ponder.
That’s not really a quicky…
4 Comments
July 6, 2009 at 9:18 PM
In Florida I had two cats who were so awesome I loved being around them. Here in Iowa, I have two dogs who can’t wait to get out of their kennel the moment I walk in the door to greet me. Maybe you should get one or the other – I can’t imagine ever being petless again.
July 7, 2009 at 12:05 AM
I agree with your dad. Men do not like being alone, and I think this is why they move on so quickly. I know sometimes I enjoy my time alone, time to read or write, do my own thing. But I have to agree with Ms. seamonster, after watching the neighbors dog this past weekend. It feels so good coming home to someone who is unconditionally happy to see you. Wagging their furry tails.
Isn’t there a joke that says something like, put your wife and your dog in the trunk of a car for an hour, open it up, and guess which one is happy to see you? Lol.
July 9, 2009 at 9:56 PM
I do think the adage out there is that men replace and women mourn. It might have something to do with women being more able to ask for help, go to therapy, join support groups. Men seek help by getting into another relationship. Again, I generalize.
My father married right after his divorce and is still happily married 24 years later. My mother? Alone. Interestingly, my mother has traveled alone, visited museums alone, accomplished so much independently while still enjoying the company of others too. My father can’t even imagine doing anything alone.
I think that being able to be alone with oneself (and not always feel lonely) is important. It’s about enjoying your own company. A friend of mine, a reporter, takes herself out to lunch every Friday–a nice restaurant where she even sips a glass or two of wine.
A friend of mine going through a divorce was just challenged by her therapist to learn how to be alone again. The challenge is to spend an hour with herself–not watching TV. We forget how to do it when we live with another. I am relearning this myself.
Good luck on your journey.
-Tessa
July 10, 2009 at 12:34 PM
thanks for your response, Tessa
Interestingly enough, I enjoy doing things by myself. I go to the movies, eat in restaurants, travel and walk about observing the human condition..all by myself. The issue that I struggle with being alone at home. It’s not that I don’t like my apartment, it’s more to do with those unexpected quiet moments. There are times when I just want to have another body sharing the same space. I suppose that after 22 years with the same woman, and then 20 months in a post divorce relationship, I ws so accustomed to having at least one person share my space. I know that I can survive living alone. I do agree with you about the individual being able to be alone with oneself. It looks as if we are on similar paths. I appreciate your comments. It’s nice to know someone other than myself is going through a similar experience
I have enjoyed reading your observations on the f*ck buddy. From my perspective, it would be nice to have that luxury. I am a monogamous guy. I couldn’t just have sex and throw away all the wonderful things that relationships have to offer. I like to cuddle. I like the feel of skin against skin, swaping body heat, closing my eyes and listen to my partner breathing.
I think I’ll live through you and your experiences. You have great style and are fun to read.
Enjoy your weekend.
-Brad