My, my…I didn’t think this forum was still here.  I thought it had been eradicated, but it’s still here and I’ve returned to blog again.  It’s good to write again.  I hope the folks who poked around this site before will return.  I would like to get to know some of you a bit better, considering I have no social life.  If you’ve been here before, thanks for returning.  If it’s your first time, thanks for stopping by and seeing what’s here.

Here’s a quick overview of events:  my middle aged mind is now 48 and I still live alone in my hole in the ground.  I don’t think I was there when I last blogged.  It’s a cool place, temperature wise, but I would hope it would be cool since it’s located in the basement.  .  Fortunately for me, the building sits on high ground and the granite foundation goes 9 ft. down.  It’s rather dark though.  The building next door is so close it prevents the sunshine from filling the room.  I only have two windows and the top of the window frame is only 3 feet above the pavement, so I don’t worry about peeping toms.  Other than that, my electric-gas-heat are all included, which is a steal.  Too bad they didn’t throw in the cable or internet.  I have access to most of the local digital channels, but I can’t watch the Red Sox or Bruins, I can’t watch BBC America or Discovery, and forget about ESPN, NESN or National Geographic.  But that’s only a minor detail.  I still have my books and music.  Otherwise, I take advantage of the 5-dollar special on Tuesdays at the Nickelodeon:  all movies all day 5 bucks.  Such a deal!  But they get you on the popcorn and drinks, so it’s not really a cheap night out.  Now that it’s summer, I’ll be taking in Sea Dogs games at Hadlock Field.  I can sit in the cheap seats for 6 bucks and enjoy baseball on a warm summer night.  My son and I have already enjoyed a couple games together.

My divorce was final one year ago June 24.  ever since then it’s been a challenge adjusting to life as a single man.  Alot of the emotional stuff has been worked out, but every once and awhile, something rears its ugly head and makes me stop and regroup.  For example, I just ended an extended relationship with a wonderful woman.  It was her choice, not mine.  Initially, it devistated me.  We so in synch on so many levels, and our communication strategy was honest and open, something I didn’t have in my marriage.  I thought that this was the one:  that one true love that transcends all other.  But the giddiness of infatuation wore off after our first argument, and reality can be a real mood buster.  In hindsight, the loving gifts she gave me have helped me in adjusting to my single life. She, unfortunately, couldn’t see me in her future.  SHe had gotten beyond having those “can’t live without him for more than one day” feelings, and she wanted to.  She said she couldn’t give me everything I deserved, that I deserved to be loved so completely as I loved her.  I still the the twinges of pain in my stomach.  Sometimes my soul feels like there’s a huge void.  Nothing like the feelings I had when my marriage dissolved.  It’s been difficult for me.  In my head, I know I should be getting on with my life.  But I was still in the process of getting my life together while I was with her.  I can hear you all shouting at your screens, “you should’ve working on that BEFORE you met her!!”   Yes, you are right.  One of the lessons I learned was that, despite all the wonderful, loving, tender moments whe shared, it was also a sheild from the pain from my broken family.  I should’ve had that house in order long before that.  She was the place I hid from the pain.  It was probably for the best that relationship ended.  It enable me to see clearly what I needed to work on.  It allowed to recognize my shortcomings and gave me an opportunity to turn them into strengths. 

I have realized that this blog should’ve been the forum to work out the kinks.  I realize it is necessary for me to have an outlet for my emotions and this is the perfect outlet.